Archive for April, 2007

Waking Dream: Yesterday afternoon, sitting on the couch, talking to Kevin about Anandi Ma stuff and about using mantras with animals. Then a female gold finch flying straight in my direction smashes into the window and dies on our fire escape. Sadness. We did what we could for the bird, prayed and found it a final resting spot for the perfect little creature. Today we are going to get some of those non-reflective bird stickers for the window and a feeder for the fire escape. Sorry little birdie!

Last night my dreams kind of ran together, but they involved similar searches.

Dreams: In a class with Kevin in the 1970’s. We’d never been to the class before, but are told about how, after class the teacher puts these quiches and cheesecakes, made with a layer of unapproved pharmaceuticals, into the hollow of this giant tree stump, so students can get them, without her actually giving the drugs to them.

We had been getting some pizza but we go over to the tree stump. It is very dark and earthy there, fecund. I go into the stump, kind of hunched over a bit, but standing inside the tree. There are a few pills in a sandwich bag, left over from before, then there are a few (3-5) quiches and cheesecakes in bags too. I can see the layer of crushed pills in them. At first I am just going to grab three of them, leave $50, and go. I thought it was leave as much money as you want. Then I start to think about how one drug sounds like poppers and the other sounds like some sort of psychedelic. I am not really interested in experiencing this stuff just for a new experience. I can feel the teacher watching what we are doing out of the corner of her eye. A girl comes in to get one and I find out that they are $20 each. I get one of each for Kevin and leave.

I walk around the base of this big earthy brown situation of a tree stump and try to figure out how to fly under it, deep into Mother Earth to find out what she would suggest taking to balance my body out.

I see an eagle flying toward me, I hold out my arm hoping he’ll land, but he keeps flying.

I go to a man and ask him what he thinks about this whole going back to school thing I have been thinking about. I tell him that Mother Earth told me just to do what I want to do now and there will be plenty of time later to do what I think I ought to, or what sounds like a good idea. (This school thing falls into the “sounds good, feels not so great” category.) After saying this, I role my eyes at myself and walk away, after all why would I need any more advice if I have the Mother Earth’s word.

I accompany a female friend–my roommate–to the cat lady (who also has dogs) for advice. My friend reminds me of my mother, in her mannerisms. The cat lady walks around the house as she talks to her. The house is very messy and dirty, full of animals. There is a guys there too, kind of like a vet assistant. The cat lady gives me something. It is sewn up like a tea bag is stapled. I have to untie it, but the tread is actually a very thin worm. It is not too gross or wiggly. It looked like a tough knot, but it comes out fairly readily.

The cat lady tells my friend that for her situation she recommends getting a cat. In fact the cat lady is in the market to get rid of a cat, so it is mutually beneficial and she can pick one out. This comes as a surprise. My friend was definitely not looking for a cat, but is open to suggestions at this point.

Outside, I see a crow. On closer inspection I see it is not all black but is actually a small bald eagle. (There are millions of crows where I live–in waking time–so I tend to assume that I am seeing a crow at first.) This bald eagle in crow proportions is actually a man who has become a bald eagle. He is going to show my how to fly/get up in a tree. Because I want to fly when I see him flying, but don’t remember how, or realize I am dreaming. He starts to grab the tree branch to swing himself up, but I think how if you have feathers not fingers you can’t do that. So instead he uses his beak (pulls himself up by his teeth) to swing himself up onto the branch. He is up on the branch and stands with his arms akimbo, stance wide and smiles down at me. The pose is just like mine in my Lloyd dream (from 3 years ago) where I am a superhero guy in Portland, (that is how I fly, by being a guy). In the dream, when I do something great, my theme song plays and I stand like that (my theme song is “Lloyd” sounding like “Lola” by the Kinks).

Throughout these dreams I was not feeling very lucid (much like in Chillin’) but kept trying to think about how to make it a lucid dream, thinking about how I would change the situation, how to fly, etc. This is something that I have been doing more in waking time and I seems to be transferring over even when I don’t feel particularly lucid.


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I’ve been working on story boards for “Fly Awake”. These are still in formation but looks like water color sketches related to bird visitation dreams. The different ways, for example, that eagle has offered support and guidance. There was a little of that in the original installation, along with the notebook part. I have also starting going back into the notebook area, putting together a new version from my writing and thoughts about flying/lucidity. It’s nice to go back into this part of the show, which I’ve been neglecting for a while. It is really helping me synthesize all messages.

The other day I was reading Vaishali from vol 25/no 4 of Dream Network. She wrote about becoming lucid and asking dream characters questions. She found that the characters weren’t very forthcoming with information. With a little help from some fellow dreamers she found that unconditionally loving the dream characters opened the doorways to communication.
It can be a challenge not to judge the images and ideas that come up in dreams. But they are all parts of ourselves, and if we alienate them, they may do the same to us. It was pretty exciting to get this information. Sometimes hearing things expressed in a new way really solidifies things.

I also saw a new thing in flight. Two crows were on a telephone wire. Instead of pushing off the wire and flapping wings, one leaned off at an angle, falling forward, then opening his wings to be caught by the wind.


1. I am looking for something rather clandestine. Going through a big old building with high ceilings. I enter into the spanish history room of the library and feel like a rocket. The room has shelves of old books, from floor to ceiling, great natural light from big windows and a ladder that rolls along the shelves. I feel like a rocket but am low and slow enough to read the shelves. I feel the crown of my head very strongly and information coming through from the lineage. I am very excited and grateful to have found the room. I bow down again and again to the lineage for their help in the dreamworld.

2. A man and a woman living in 2010 or 2020. She is from 2050, so it could be then. The man is from the past, he came to the future to find the woman. They are together, but not yet. They are in separate rooms. He is looking for something.
Later they are preparing to go back to 1950 (his time). My aunt is trying to get me to take all this children’s furniture, more than I’ve taken already. Her kids are around her (how I remember them–as children–not how they are, adults). She acts like my mother, very bossy, telling me what to do about everything.
They arrive in 1950. There is more natural land and open space, things are less overbuilt than she’s used to. She’s so very happy. She can expand much more in the relaxed environment. I think about how her reaction makes sense, considering the difference in feeling between the two time zones.
We are walking down the sidewalk together. I lift off and fly, I am golden eagle. He is a little behind me, on my left, and a little lower, he is a streak of shining white light–.

3. (two nights) See deer, just looking at me, in nature, briefly.

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I’ve been dreaming but, I haven’t had internet for the last week or so things have been very slow. Yesterday I went on a long walk down at Oaks Bottom, special marshy place. Got to see lots of a awesome bird action. Hawks and an eagle, sitting rather far away, so not sure if it was an immature or a golden. Also saw osprey in their nest and and many many herons, and a wide array of little birdies. I actually went out because my sister in law told me she had seen a screech owl and a barred owl sleeping in the trees there earlier. I wasn’t so lucky in the owl department, but had an awesome time nonetheless.

Dream: (a couple nights ago)
I am inside sitting on the floor cross legged, I am looking out a wide opening in the wall. Reminds me of a Japanese house with the wide doors and big porches. I see a kettle of birds rising. They are in a loose tornado like formation. Mostly there are bald eagles, but I see a sitting swan (representing grace and faith in the future) rising up with them. I look closely and see a eagle that has morphed from a sea gull into what looks more like a white tailed eagle. (There are lots of sea gulls here in Portland.) I watch as the eagle gracefully flaps his wings. As he’s flapping he brings in the tip of his left wing to his beak and blows me a kiss. I am so happy just to see the birds and then very delighted when he gracefully blows me a feather kiss. I try to take some pics of the birds, but fail to get anything. Then later I see two large mountain rams (I think) sitting in an adjacent room looking out at me and a group of people. They are very large and hairy and and a soft rust color. I am sitting right in the doorway and try to take pics but people keep leaning in front of me with their point and shoots and blocking my shots. I ask this lady to give me a little room, and she gets pissed and asks why I should have space. I shy away.

The night before this dream I was doing some tarot and used my eagle feather to help me out and asked eagle for help seeing the bigger picture. I felt the energy strongly and felt that I finally understood a bit more about how to ask for help from the animals. Thank you Eagle!

So while I didn’t get any pics in the dream I did get a few at Oaks Bottom. Here are the Osprey in their nest.

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Dream: A rather large, flopsy mopsy bird lands beside me at eye level. I am very excited just to be so close. I watch him out of the corner of my eye. He doesn’t look very aerodynamic, but flies easily. Looks like something from Galapagos, or possibly a cartoonish owl. He flies a little away from me, but before he can leave I stand in front of him and ask him what it means that he is appearing in this dream. He says, “I’m not really sure, but just be chill”. He flies away. I watch as he goes, feeling much chiller, my shoulders an inch or two lower, and a big smile on my face.

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I have been calling out to deer lately, and here is what I got in response.

A. Saw a group of dear in a clearing in the woods at night. Very green and lush, the deer are calm, some are looking over at me.
B. I see a bunch of little metal (maybe pewter) deer heads. They are loose representations of deer head, they are small (about the size of a quarter) and not too detailed. They all look the same. The deer’s ears are: one pointed up and one pointed off to the side. I am sifting through them with someone else I can’t see. He picks one up as he repeats: “That’s the way of the deer”, “Oh, yeah, that’s the way of the deer”.

The deer ears remind me of drawings of owl’s cones of hearing. Deer’s ears are flexible so she can achieve a similar effect. Owl is a frequent visitor lately. Both owl and deer live in the night and use their hearing to guide them. I took the message to be a clarification of owl’s message: listen to different perspectives, listen to information coming on different frequencies, pay attention to sound.

Talked to Paul Levy and he was saying that flying in the dream is a gateway to lucid dreaming. In other words, it is pretty obvious that you are not awake when you find yourself dreaming, and so you can begin to dream your dream instead of being dreamed. I think this is true, however I also think of the dream flight as a way to learn about the tendencies of your subtle self. There are many ways to fly in a dream and they give an indication as to how you are reacting to events in life. Are you staying centered, or are you flying away from a situation that you don’t want to deal with? Are you bogged down in the muck, or are you able to lift off/transcend?

Got a few leads for the dream world from Paul that I look forward to exploring. More news later.

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Last night I had two dreams where I realized I was dreaming and was able to change the dream, however with both I was so sucked into the dream that instead of detaching and using the dreamtime I fiddled around with the dream.

Dream 1: In high school, I have somehow offended my teachers, all but one, for over-thinking the questions. Feeling very persecuted and start to lift off to fly away out of fear. Then I realize I am sleeping and go back down to the floor and looking out of the corner of my eye at them, I mentally suggest that they do indeed like me. Right away (which surprises me) they start treating me favorably.
Dream 2: Don’t remember too much. I get excited when I see two adults dressed up like juvenile eagles and flying a little (just barely off the ground, briefly). I take detailed notes on their costumes, they are wearing loose leggings that are dark gray-brown, with a subtle diamond pattern. On top, it could easily be a baggy sweat shirt of the same color with hoods up and very large (proportionate to their human size) feathers all over. The feathers are supersized down, these are eagle chicks. They were putting some stuff in large bags.
I have to be somewhere I’m not supposed to be in order to observe (up close, only a couple feet away–they don’t care about me being there/acknowledge me,) I get in trouble for trespassing by some people. They start to attack me, I realize I am dreaming and proceed to butcher these people who are in my way.

Trying to be less judgmental about what I do in dreams, you know…with the butchering, for example. These things are metaphors after all! Hopefully next time I will be aware enough to put myself to sleep and find out what I was doing when I did the butchering! Similarly to these dreams, when I am awake and realize that I manifesting my world, for example by being afraid, rather than sending out positive energy. Sometimes I am present enough to change the mental pattern to be more positive, and sometimes I am stuck in the mental rut, but either way I am still caught up in the dream. Instead I could try just letting go of the whole situation and meditating for a bit to really wake up. There’s an idea!

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