Waking Dream: Yesterday afternoon, sitting on the couch, talking to Kevin about Anandi Ma stuff and about using mantras with animals. Then a female gold finch flying straight in my direction smashes into the window and dies on our fire escape. Sadness. We did what we could for the bird, prayed and found it a final resting spot for the perfect little creature. Today we are going to get some of those non-reflective bird stickers for the window and a feeder for the fire escape. Sorry little birdie!
Last night my dreams kind of ran together, but they involved similar searches.
Dreams: In a class with Kevin in the 1970’s. We’d never been to the class before, but are told about how, after class the teacher puts these quiches and cheesecakes, made with a layer of unapproved pharmaceuticals, into the hollow of this giant tree stump, so students can get them, without her actually giving the drugs to them.
We had been getting some pizza but we go over to the tree stump. It is very dark and earthy there, fecund. I go into the stump, kind of hunched over a bit, but standing inside the tree. There are a few pills in a sandwich bag, left over from before, then there are a few (3-5) quiches and cheesecakes in bags too. I can see the layer of crushed pills in them. At first I am just going to grab three of them, leave $50, and go. I thought it was leave as much money as you want. Then I start to think about how one drug sounds like poppers and the other sounds like some sort of psychedelic. I am not really interested in experiencing this stuff just for a new experience. I can feel the teacher watching what we are doing out of the corner of her eye. A girl comes in to get one and I find out that they are $20 each. I get one of each for Kevin and leave.
I walk around the base of this big earthy brown situation of a tree stump and try to figure out how to fly under it, deep into Mother Earth to find out what she would suggest taking to balance my body out.
I see an eagle flying toward me, I hold out my arm hoping he’ll land, but he keeps flying.
I go to a man and ask him what he thinks about this whole going back to school thing I have been thinking about. I tell him that Mother Earth told me just to do what I want to do now and there will be plenty of time later to do what I think I ought to, or what sounds like a good idea. (This school thing falls into the “sounds good, feels not so great” category.) After saying this, I role my eyes at myself and walk away, after all why would I need any more advice if I have the Mother Earth’s word.
I accompany a female friend–my roommate–to the cat lady (who also has dogs) for advice. My friend reminds me of my mother, in her mannerisms. The cat lady walks around the house as she talks to her. The house is very messy and dirty, full of animals. There is a guys there too, kind of like a vet assistant. The cat lady gives me something. It is sewn up like a tea bag is stapled. I have to untie it, but the tread is actually a very thin worm. It is not too gross or wiggly. It looked like a tough knot, but it comes out fairly readily.
The cat lady tells my friend that for her situation she recommends getting a cat. In fact the cat lady is in the market to get rid of a cat, so it is mutually beneficial and she can pick one out. This comes as a surprise. My friend was definitely not looking for a cat, but is open to suggestions at this point.
Outside, I see a crow. On closer inspection I see it is not all black but is actually a small bald eagle. (There are millions of crows where I live–in waking time–so I tend to assume that I am seeing a crow at first.) This bald eagle in crow proportions is actually a man who has become a bald eagle. He is going to show my how to fly/get up in a tree. Because I want to fly when I see him flying, but don’t remember how, or realize I am dreaming. He starts to grab the tree branch to swing himself up, but I think how if you have feathers not fingers you can’t do that. So instead he uses his beak (pulls himself up by his teeth) to swing himself up onto the branch. He is up on the branch and stands with his arms akimbo, stance wide and smiles down at me. The pose is just like mine in my Lloyd dream (from 3 years ago) where I am a superhero guy in Portland, (that is how I fly, by being a guy). In the dream, when I do something great, my theme song plays and I stand like that (my theme song is “Lloyd” sounding like “Lola” by the Kinks).
Throughout these dreams I was not feeling very lucid (much like in Chillin’) but kept trying to think about how to make it a lucid dream, thinking about how I would change the situation, how to fly, etc. This is something that I have been doing more in waking time and I seems to be transferring over even when I don’t feel particularly lucid.