Dream: I walk into my art show with Ben. I can’t believe how big the space is. It’s amazing that I filled it, and really filled it too, not my normal minimal style–there are pictures everywhere. I am kind of glad I didn’t have to face it as an empty room, much less stressful to see the final presentation of my work than worry about installation. Most of the stuff is paintings and drawings, watercolors, oils… It kind of surprises me, because it is just not like my current work. Well, actually it is all the sketches behind my current work. There is another (small) room. I look in and I apparently have filled that room too. The images are smaller (like the room). These images are like the sketches for the sketches you could say. Some of the pictures I recognize as mine, others, not yet.
We walk around, everyone is happy and smiling. There are lots of people there. I sent out five packets of my work to different galleries, and got at show at this one. It seems Ben helped me out too, maybe by his art world influence. Ben walks me over and introduces me to this middle-aged man sitting behind the desk in the gallery. He is the one who curated my show. He looks unimpressed (it seems to be a constant state for him), he tells me, “I’m in charge of women’s art”. As in: this is what he curates. I wonder if that is the reason he picked my stuff, which seems to be a little lamer than just liking my work a lot. Then he walks away, slightly stooped, slightly potbellied, gray hair, holding a paper cup.
I am ready for some air. I try to fly to go outside. Partly I just want to fly and partly I want to show off a little. I feel a little bad about this motivation, but no one notices my efforts anyway. It is hard to fly because I am so tired–I am not sure I am going to make it, but I do. I get out doors (it’s a night time opening) and try to land on an electrical wire. Instead I just hit it with my back. It doesn’t shock me, I guess because I am not touching anything else/not grounded. I land on the ground in the mud, and decide to lay down and rest there–get grounded after the party. Ben comes out and I am worried for a minute that he will think I am immature for laying on the ground like this. (I think I am wearing my white dream dress from my photos.) He smiles and he says, “you are everything I could imagine.” As in: love. He lays beside me and holds my hand. I move my head closer to his and at first he thinks that I am trying to get more space and he moves his head away. Then he realizes what I want and he moves his head closer to mine. We lay there happily for a while in the cool night.
What is up? I have no idea what happened to get such cool dreams the last couple nights. All I have been doing is working too much, poking people at the hospital, over and over again. Blood, complaints, some chilling, but work nonetheless. Actually my work is interesting, because more and more I see how peoples reactions have so very little to do with what/whoever they are supposedly reacting to. For example, I will walk into two patient’s rooms and inform them that I am going to start and IV, one person will say “That is so great, I am so glad someone who knows what they are doing is here–thank you!”; the other person: “Oh my God, can this night get any worse? You’ll never be able to get my veins.” Sometimes I still get annoyed by the not so pleasant people, but overall it is making me not take either extreme very seriously.
Back to dreams: anyways, I guess with all this work I have been really bumming about not getting to do art. For a while the creative juice wasn’t really flowing the way it used to. Now the ideas are coming I just don’t have time to do much with them. These dreams are wish fulfillment–facilities to do art, time to do art (another dream last night where I lived in an art house with Kevin), and space to show my art. Also, today is a galactic activation portal, and I usually dream more exciting dreams at those times. Galactic activation portals are part of the Mayan calendar system, they are times when you are more likely to be open to receiving information from higher/other sources. Also, Monday was my Guru’s Mahasamadhi–when he finally gave up His body and merged more completely with the universe. Days of spiritual potency often bring more intense dreams for me. Basically I feel like I have been very lucky and I can’t wait to dream some more and work on my art in all my spare moments.
The art in my dream is my old style: My goal with my dream (art) work was to bridge the more abstract and often channeled work I used to do in painting and drawing and the very refined minimalist work I do in photography. I do think its working, and maybe that is part of what the dream is saying. That it is presentable. Even if it doesn’t all look perfect, like I like my photos to look, it makes up a great big show. Hmmm…
And, Ben: Well this is someone from my past, an art person that I had a crush on and worked with. But in the dream he really acts as much like Kevin (fiancé) as he does himself, for example: the perfect response to my internal worries, smiles and handholding. But Ben does mean devoting your life to art and that is something I would like to dream up a lot more of in the waking time.