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Archive for the ‘underworld’ Category

Dream:

I look at some big maps. The are of the atlas variety. The first one that I am shown is a country near India, or Europe. In the empty/negative space around the country, there is text book type information. I don’t read it yet. But, I know that this is a map of a particularly potent place on Earth. I am excited to look at other places. There are maps of every place. I think about Iowa City, where I was born, maybe that is cool. I look at the map but there is nothing special about it. I pick up two more maps of potent places. One is a country near Puru (Bolivia?) and one is an uninhabited land like Antarctica, only at the top (N. Pole).

This information, these tomes, come from the mouth of a stone oven, which is a library. Dileepji led me here, I was hoping that he would come back again to help me out some more. There is a tall thin man, who lives in the oven. He walks around hunched over, it is only about 4-5 feet tall. He brings things out for me and goes back into other stone rooms, to get things for me from the stacks.

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Wake:

I want to explore these areas more and read the text that comes with them. Are they places on Earth, or perhaps, in Earth. I was thinking a lot about Hollow Earth theories, due to too much Lost, before sleep. What are these places? Are they maps of entry points, or the places themselves? What are there properties? This brought me back to my current map project. Time to get back to work on it.

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This was a pretty heavy night for dreams.

Dreams:

1. I am drawing closer and closer to death–my own death. I have had too many heart attacks. I knew… maybe if I had taken better care of myself–but, it’s too late for thoughts like that.

I’m in a cage, my mom doesn’t see it. I change rooms, but I am still in a cage.

I want to write down my last thoughts. It seems self-important to do so. When I finish writing them down will that be it? Kevin seems to know I’m going to die soon.

It’s like he doesn’t want to touch me anymore. I am floating near him, he doesn’t even look at me. I’m just my subtle body now, there is nothing to touch. It’s okay, I’m not part of that reality anymore.

I must let go of physical desires.

I go to Kevin, I’m just nearby. I must remember Lord Rama each time we merge, hug, or kiss.

I want to write my last thoughts on paper, not on computer. There are too many files. He might never see them. It seems vain. I write on scraps of paper. My pen works poorly, sometime it writes and sometimes it won’t.

“It’s not about the comfort, or satisfying all those endless desires. Let each kiss be Lord Rama’s kiss.”

13.jpgThere are many files flashing by. Some are nursing files. None of it matters. I’m going to die very soon. If I had gone to the doctor for my heart earlier would I have lived a longer life? Too late now.

Wake: Eek! This dream seemed so real. I woke up feeling sobered–to say the least. I’m happy that in the dream I was able to let go and understand the changes taking place. It was strange because I normally think of myself as someone who is going to live a really long life. I never worry about dying in my 40’s or even my 60’s. Heart attacks are a problem, but they are more of a metaphorical, emotional variety. I had another dream once, where I almost died because of too many heart attacks, (read family torture). My impression of this was that the original cause of my thyroid problem was not a throat chakra imbalance, rather that imbalance manifested as a consequence of abuse to the heart chakra. That was a couple years ago–obviously something that still needs to be addressed though!

2. I go to the acupuncturist to have an abortion. He is a thin Chinese man, with a small office off the street downtown. He stands in the doorway and turns me away for today–there are no appointments. I am not sure if I will go through with it now. I am with a friend, a girl.

Wake: Another surprising and very clear dream. I have been thinking about going to my friend’s acupuncturist, but not for an abortion. I really want to be healthy and off western medicine, and I really want to get pregnant. Maybe there is something that needs to be gotten rid of in order for this to happen.

3. I get to my uncle in time. He is actually my father and uncle combined. He is on a boat–lower level–playing cards with a friend. He’s looking very pudgy. There is brown wood paneling on all the walls. I know he is going to die and I wanted to say my good-byes. I tell him I love him and that God loves him. I try not to get too serious so it doesn’t seem weird, but I do get a little serious with that. He doesn’t know that he is going to die, so it would all seem a little odd.

Wake: This dream seemed more like a reaction to the first one. I woke up from #1 all weird and then, to console myself, I think, I thought maybe this dream is really about my father. He’s the only person in my life that seems anywhere close to death–but not that close!

4. At a vintage shop. I buy this purse that is not my absolute favorite, but because it was hand made and in a fairly ingenious way, with a tie and then the lady who made it wrote on it: “love makes me cry”.

Wake: Well, I threw this one in because I spent the next couple days after these dreams crying my freaking eyes out. Was it due to love, heart attacks, death–are they all the same? Yes and yes. Was this crying due to my taking of St. John’s Wort and Hawthorne? I think so. At any rate, I am feeling very cleansed and that I released a bunch of stuff that really needed to go.

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Underworld

Dream:

Chandra shows me the secret passage to the underworld. You have to go through the tiny panal. It’s about the size of a fuse-box, but I slip through easily. You cannot go through the larger door next to it, that looks like a dresser, you may only leave through that door. Inside it is like being the base of a giant tree, or maybe in the earth. Across a space about as big as the average bathroom, with roots hanging down is the doorway to the actual underworld. Before you get there, gray ghosts that have a physical presence will confront/attack you.

I leave and tell some people about this secret passage. I go back to try to make it all the way into the underworld. All the people I’ve told rush past me and many enter through the wrong door–the dresser like door. When I get inside I am alone, except for the gray ghost mirror image twins that are my chihuahua Coco. He keeps bothering me and getting in my face. I try to smash the two heads together and beat him off of me. But, in the underworld you have to be very direct and say exactly what you want in order to get through. I tell him he is being inappropriate and to stop jumping on me. He stops, but I wake up before I get across the way and into the door to the underworld.

Wake:

Ah! Clear direct communication comes up again in relation to the underworld.  What is the underworld? Our dark shadow self, with all the uglies rearing their heads. Who are the physical ghosts? Neither black nor white, these are beings that will listen if we communicate directly, are they just excuses we use to not face the hairier parts of ourselves. The other day I was wrestling with Kevin, he was tickling me insanely. I tried to equally harrass him to get him to stop. It didn’t work at all, but finally I got so pissed, I yelled “Stop it!” And he did. Clear, direct communication. Not getting what you want? Are you even letting the world know what it is that you want?

Also with manifestation. I use visualization a lot. Usually I do this when my worries are getting to me. To counteract my fears, I will visualize a favorable outcome. Lately I have been trying saying clearly what I want, along with visualization. It seems to be working all the better. So maybe that is what this mysterious 5th chakra of communication is all about! So obvious, yet easier to theorize than to say it appears!

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Waking Dream: Yesterday afternoon, sitting on the couch, talking to Kevin about Anandi Ma stuff and about using mantras with animals. Then a female gold finch flying straight in my direction smashes into the window and dies on our fire escape. Sadness. We did what we could for the bird, prayed and found it a final resting spot for the perfect little creature. Today we are going to get some of those non-reflective bird stickers for the window and a feeder for the fire escape. Sorry little birdie!

Last night my dreams kind of ran together, but they involved similar searches.

Dreams: In a class with Kevin in the 1970’s. We’d never been to the class before, but are told about how, after class the teacher puts these quiches and cheesecakes, made with a layer of unapproved pharmaceuticals, into the hollow of this giant tree stump, so students can get them, without her actually giving the drugs to them.

We had been getting some pizza but we go over to the tree stump. It is very dark and earthy there, fecund. I go into the stump, kind of hunched over a bit, but standing inside the tree. There are a few pills in a sandwich bag, left over from before, then there are a few (3-5) quiches and cheesecakes in bags too. I can see the layer of crushed pills in them. At first I am just going to grab three of them, leave $50, and go. I thought it was leave as much money as you want. Then I start to think about how one drug sounds like poppers and the other sounds like some sort of psychedelic. I am not really interested in experiencing this stuff just for a new experience. I can feel the teacher watching what we are doing out of the corner of her eye. A girl comes in to get one and I find out that they are $20 each. I get one of each for Kevin and leave.

I walk around the base of this big earthy brown situation of a tree stump and try to figure out how to fly under it, deep into Mother Earth to find out what she would suggest taking to balance my body out.

I see an eagle flying toward me, I hold out my arm hoping he’ll land, but he keeps flying.

I go to a man and ask him what he thinks about this whole going back to school thing I have been thinking about. I tell him that Mother Earth told me just to do what I want to do now and there will be plenty of time later to do what I think I ought to, or what sounds like a good idea. (This school thing falls into the “sounds good, feels not so great” category.) After saying this, I role my eyes at myself and walk away, after all why would I need any more advice if I have the Mother Earth’s word.

I accompany a female friend–my roommate–to the cat lady (who also has dogs) for advice. My friend reminds me of my mother, in her mannerisms. The cat lady walks around the house as she talks to her. The house is very messy and dirty, full of animals. There is a guys there too, kind of like a vet assistant. The cat lady gives me something. It is sewn up like a tea bag is stapled. I have to untie it, but the tread is actually a very thin worm. It is not too gross or wiggly. It looked like a tough knot, but it comes out fairly readily.

The cat lady tells my friend that for her situation she recommends getting a cat. In fact the cat lady is in the market to get rid of a cat, so it is mutually beneficial and she can pick one out. This comes as a surprise. My friend was definitely not looking for a cat, but is open to suggestions at this point.

Outside, I see a crow. On closer inspection I see it is not all black but is actually a small bald eagle. (There are millions of crows where I live–in waking time–so I tend to assume that I am seeing a crow at first.) This bald eagle in crow proportions is actually a man who has become a bald eagle. He is going to show my how to fly/get up in a tree. Because I want to fly when I see him flying, but don’t remember how, or realize I am dreaming. He starts to grab the tree branch to swing himself up, but I think how if you have feathers not fingers you can’t do that. So instead he uses his beak (pulls himself up by his teeth) to swing himself up onto the branch. He is up on the branch and stands with his arms akimbo, stance wide and smiles down at me. The pose is just like mine in my Lloyd dream (from 3 years ago) where I am a superhero guy in Portland, (that is how I fly, by being a guy). In the dream, when I do something great, my theme song plays and I stand like that (my theme song is “Lloyd” sounding like “Lola” by the Kinks).

Throughout these dreams I was not feeling very lucid (much like in Chillin’) but kept trying to think about how to make it a lucid dream, thinking about how I would change the situation, how to fly, etc. This is something that I have been doing more in waking time and I seems to be transferring over even when I don’t feel particularly lucid.

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Finished reading “Master of Lucid Dreams”, turned out to be quite an interesting read, food for thought, etc. Still processing the info. Had a couple dreams featuring owls.

Dream (first night my brother left to hike the top of the Grand Canyon): Running slowly (brother’s style) along the top of the Grand Canyon. It is fairly pinkish, rust colored. I am going along a narrow spot and there is a fence set up to keep the animals in. I look over the edge and see all sorts of animals in plain site placed evenly throughout the landscape. I see a Northern Saw-whet owl sitting on a tree branch. There are many animals, one of each of many species, most just sitting. Off on the other side I see a bit of a deer. Coco goes over the edge down to the bottom. He is still on leash, I pull him up by his leash so he doesn’t get eaten by the shark, who is also hanging somehow. Surprisingly Coco doesn’t seem to be hurt by this method of extraction.

Dreams (Last night):
1.Flying in a sitting position, come to the top of some stairs. I think that I should be able to naturally go down, but I keep wanting to fly straight. I realize that I have to direct the flight quite literally. I say to go down and immediately head downstairs. –In Master of Lucid Dreams, and other shamanic texts, they talk about going to the land of the dead (internally or otherwise) and I was wondering how this is done, i.e. going from meditative state to this other part of the mind–perhaps as easy as just directly directing the energy.

2. Going down a hill, on the sidewalk. I see an owl (couple feet tall), a chicken, and a bald eagle on the roof of a house.
Earlier I saw three chicken owls. These chicken owls are orangish, which circles of radiating orange feathers around their eyes. Otherwise fairly scruffy. They were all standing around doing something–reminded me of inefficient office workers.
So, this chicken (also a chicken-owl) and the owl are being pursued by the bald eagles (there are two now). The c-o and owl come off the roof, I am laying on the sidewalk all curled up (probably how I was sleeping) and the owl lands within a foot or two of me–so large and close and so amazing!!! The chicken is a little away from me (not as smart).
I see the eagles on the roof. Their white heads are so very white, glowing, and the color of their beaks is also very vivid. One has his beak wide open, screeching and ready to kill. He swoops down and catches the chicken owl, taking him up to the roof to eat him with the other baldy.
I start floating a bit and then flying. I instantly become so excited that I can finally fly while I am awake, a moment or two later I begrudgingly admit to myself that I could be sleeping. The eagles are really doing a number on the chicken owl, more like the c-o is going through a shredder, I have to fly through a haze of chicken briefly. Then I keep flying along on my journey.

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