I am out shooting for my ‘Fly Awake’ project. My mom is helping me–she is the one taking the pictures. I am laying/posing on top of the cab of this very large blue truck. Like a big blue English sized semi–half the size of one in the states. I am wearing my bikini from high school, which surprisingly fits, and looks good. She tells me “you can’t do that,” as in: lay up there, and tries to tell me how to take the pictures. Frustration!

Wake: I would not take my mom with me to take pictures, unless under duress. But apparently I have been doing just that–taking the super critical part of myself (my inner mom) with me when I do my work. Now is the time where I need to let the dreams live, later I can decide what works and what doesn’t. This dream was particularly striking because I was again taking pics in dreamtime again. Now I just need to wake up and take the camera back.


This was a pretty heavy night for dreams.


1. I am drawing closer and closer to death–my own death. I have had too many heart attacks. I knew… maybe if I had taken better care of myself–but, it’s too late for thoughts like that.

I’m in a cage, my mom doesn’t see it. I change rooms, but I am still in a cage.

I want to write down my last thoughts. It seems self-important to do so. When I finish writing them down will that be it? Kevin seems to know I’m going to die soon.

It’s like he doesn’t want to touch me anymore. I am floating near him, he doesn’t even look at me. I’m just my subtle body now, there is nothing to touch. It’s okay, I’m not part of that reality anymore.

I must let go of physical desires.

I go to Kevin, I’m just nearby. I must remember Lord Rama each time we merge, hug, or kiss.

I want to write my last thoughts on paper, not on computer. There are too many files. He might never see them. It seems vain. I write on scraps of paper. My pen works poorly, sometime it writes and sometimes it won’t.

“It’s not about the comfort, or satisfying all those endless desires. Let each kiss be Lord Rama’s kiss.”

13.jpgThere are many files flashing by. Some are nursing files. None of it matters. I’m going to die very soon. If I had gone to the doctor for my heart earlier would I have lived a longer life? Too late now.

Wake: Eek! This dream seemed so real. I woke up feeling sobered–to say the least. I’m happy that in the dream I was able to let go and understand the changes taking place. It was strange because I normally think of myself as someone who is going to live a really long life. I never worry about dying in my 40’s or even my 60’s. Heart attacks are a problem, but they are more of a metaphorical, emotional variety. I had another dream once, where I almost died because of too many heart attacks, (read family torture). My impression of this was that the original cause of my thyroid problem was not a throat chakra imbalance, rather that imbalance manifested as a consequence of abuse to the heart chakra. That was a couple years ago–obviously something that still needs to be addressed though!

2. I go to the acupuncturist to have an abortion. He is a thin Chinese man, with a small office off the street downtown. He stands in the doorway and turns me away for today–there are no appointments. I am not sure if I will go through with it now. I am with a friend, a girl.

Wake: Another surprising and very clear dream. I have been thinking about going to my friend’s acupuncturist, but not for an abortion. I really want to be healthy and off western medicine, and I really want to get pregnant. Maybe there is something that needs to be gotten rid of in order for this to happen.

3. I get to my uncle in time. He is actually my father and uncle combined. He is on a boat–lower level–playing cards with a friend. He’s looking very pudgy. There is brown wood paneling on all the walls. I know he is going to die and I wanted to say my good-byes. I tell him I love him and that God loves him. I try not to get too serious so it doesn’t seem weird, but I do get a little serious with that. He doesn’t know that he is going to die, so it would all seem a little odd.

Wake: This dream seemed more like a reaction to the first one. I woke up from #1 all weird and then, to console myself, I think, I thought maybe this dream is really about my father. He’s the only person in my life that seems anywhere close to death–but not that close!

4. At a vintage shop. I buy this purse that is not my absolute favorite, but because it was hand made and in a fairly ingenious way, with a tie and then the lady who made it wrote on it: “love makes me cry”.

Wake: Well, I threw this one in because I spent the next couple days after these dreams crying my freaking eyes out. Was it due to love, heart attacks, death–are they all the same? Yes and yes. Was this crying due to my taking of St. John’s Wort and Hawthorne? I think so. At any rate, I am feeling very cleansed and that I released a bunch of stuff that really needed to go.


I go to the herb guy again because he is ready to offer me something. He stands behind a circular bar in a fairly busy room. He is the bartender for this well lit party (the light is golden). He gives me a brown tincture bottle, it is labeled with difficult cursive: “St. d’equinox” (I hear St. John’s d’equinox), and below it says: “making decisions through cocoa”–not chocolate, but the tincture of it. I’m surprised he wrote the name on the label.

He also writes “nice to see you again so soon” on it too, or maybe his lady wrote it for him. I hold the tincture for a bit, then set it down. I realize that it’s energy is super strong. It surprises me–I pick it up again in a double take. Now it appears as a fine mineral formation. It is kind of like a geode in that it is a layer of crystal growing off a layer that is rock-like. But this crystal is very fine compared to geode. It radiates yellow light (I think “spleen”). He smiles, “yeah, this one is not a quiet one.” When he smiles he sparkles like the mineral. I think, “maybe it speaks so loud so people won’t miss it.”

I wake up for a bit, because my bladder is full, but I fall back asleep whilst procrastinating getting out of bed.

I return to the stone, reflecting on it. It explains, “peeing at night is good because the bladder is a night time organ and it is good for it to be full in the night, (now go pee)”.


This dream was very clear and there were about a million associations in it. Most basically, I woke up feeling really freaking awesome and full of lots of love–good medicine had been had. Here’s some of the other stuff.

First, let’s get the bladder out of the way. For the last couple years, I have really been producing lots of pee in the nighttime. So much that sometimes my belly hurts if I don’t get up and pee in the night. I admit I have worried a little about why there is so much more pee at night now than in the past. So perhaps this dream indicates this is not a bad thing at all. Or, if nothing else, I shouldn’t continue worrying about it.

The herb dude and the tincture: A couple nights before this dream, I asked Scott, the herb dude, for something that would help with my thyroid situation. He said he would meditate on it. In the dream he has meditated and come up with something to give me. In the dream it is St. John’s Wort. This is the plant that we did in class right around the time of the equinox… “St. d’equinox”. In the class we taste the tinctures, without knowing what they are. This tincture made me feel really good, and made me stop thinking that I needed to take care of everything, for everyone. That was quite a relief! Simply put the tincture has very positive associations.

When I next spoke with Scott, he told me that he came up with Bugle Weed. He said he was a little suspicious of this, but that this is what the plant spirits said. So I have ordered some bugle weed, but also decided to try taking some St. John’s Wort for a while and see how that goes.

The crystal: the crystal in the dream is one that I was attracted to at the rock shop, but I wasn’t able to get it when I first met it. I hope that I can go back and get it soon. It has some crazy name I can’t remember, but it is a gentle crystal, that is supposed to be good for improving and maintaining health, and something else… what was that?

As far as the cocoa: This has a couple associations. One is that the days before this dream I was eating a lot of chocolate. This is something I haven’t done in a long time, because I have been avoiding sugar. But, I made some cupcakes with unsweetened chocolate and used erythritol, as a sweetener. It took me a while to realize that the caffeine in the chocolate was really affecting me. I was buzzing around making lots of plans shortly after each cupcake! Another thing is the day before I decided against getting this yogi tea with cocoa in it, because I thought I should avoid the caffeine. Hmmm… I am sure that the caffeine in the tea was minuscule compared to the cupcakes.

The equinox was one of the dates that I was making crazy plans around.

The golden light: lots of my dreams have been infused with the golden light lately, I am pondering it.

Taking pictures. They are blurry or red, or circular or otherwise weird if I don’t really focus the camera. I’m taking pictures of group shots, people. They are wearing matching yellow and red outfits (models with yellow jeans and red shirts on wides steps). It’s all very set up seeming but yet I walk in and out of the scene like it doesn’t matter. As long as I really focus the camera my pictures turn out clear. I keep setting my camera down and having to go back and find it, but I find it each time.


Hmmm…thoughts about this dream and the Taking Your Camera Into Dreamtime booklet. Must do some further experimentation with different types of cameras in dreamtime.


I see a big (bigger than a brick) hunk of ruby/kyanite.



I met Ruby/Kyanite a couple months ago at a nearby rock shop (Healing Waters and Sacred Spaces). I got a very strong reaction from it–kind of like riding on a rocket. At the time I didn’t have the cash to get it.

Friday was payday and I was doing some budgeting. By that time I wasn’t thinking about the ruby/kyanite so much. Then I had the dream which reminded me–thank you very much. I went back to the shop and found it waiting for me.


The colors and visual textures of the stone look like pictures of the cosmos. When I look into the stone and meditate on it, it appears to be as non solid as the cosmos–it seems to go into space status (no longer solid), when you really look at it.


One of my current creation projects is getting pregnant. Ruby is excellent for removing energy blocks in the reproductive system. It’s also great for the physical and emotional heart, and plugs holes in the energy field (yarrow connection?). Kyanite naturally balances the chakras and does not need clearing. I can’t wait to learn from the dynamic duo.

220px-martin_crane.jpgIn a recent dream I was riding on an airplane wing with my herb instructor, Marty Crane of Frasier, and one other person. Marty’s appearance was a bit of a mystery. The next day I went to herb class and my teacher told a story about having sciatica a few years back and demonstrated how he walked–exactly like Marty!

He talked about experiencing ‘old-man’-ness for the first time. He got over the sciatica and some repressed anger that brought it on with the help of a plant–Mormon Tea. This situation made the holographic nature of reality more clear to me.

We all have our face that dominates the current time in our lives. Still we have other faces. Sides of ourselves that we don’t see very often, our past selves/other sides of our personality, but at certain times they come out. Suddenly we are in many ways the person we were 5, 10, 50 years ago. Maybe we are tired, or a situation reminds of us something familiar in the past–suddenly we feel like a kid again. I become very aware of it when I am going through a transformative period. I am aware enough of both what I have been and who I hope to be that it becomes very obvious when I see myself slipping back and forth between the old self and the new self, shifting like a holograph.

Acknowledging things are this mutable, we see that we can easily be, but don’t have to be pulled around by changing thoughts and external events. By focusing our energy we can change the dream so that when we see a side of ourselves we are not so fond of we can shift into our more preferred self.


Plane Wing


Hanging out with three friends. One is an herbalist, one is Martin Crane from Frasier. We get on an airplane wing, sitting two-by-two, take liquid pharmaceuticals and then ride into the evening. I keep my left leg from dangling by putting it up by the herbalist. The first time I have my shoes on and he can handle it. The second time, I have by socks off and he can’t take it–he really doesn’t like bacteria. This is quite a surprise, he seems like such an earthy guy. We all talk a lot. Later we’re in a living room and I ask Martin when he became afraid of water, meaning dreams. He’s behind a bookcase grabbing something and he doesn’t hear. Still, I like talking about dreams.

Wake: So, I am taking an herb class with 2 others and the teacher. I like it very much. Before bed, I asked brown bear and seed crystal where I should best direct my energy. Then I find myself with the herb group :). When I woke up Kevin said that I had been having an in depth conversation in my sleep–but he couldn’t remember the details. I wonder about what makes dreams different that one ends up talking out loud, and clearly or unclearly.